Short Story Those Men Among Gods

Discussion in 'Writer's Cafe' started by Mr. Mister, Jul 15, 2016.

  1. Mr. Mister

    Mr. Mister Is Breaking Down

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    Started this on the fly. Just going to see how this goes. Any feedback is welcomed.

    "I'm a winner, I'm a sinner. Do you want my autograph?"



    He sat upon the bar stool as if all the troubles of the world were currently weighing heavily on his mind. A glass of scotch in one hand, he seemed to just be enjoying the feeling on his hand wrapped tightly around something. He had taken perhaps a few sips of the drink. He didn't really need it, but he felt it was better than nothing. Every once in a while, he would swirl the liquor just to see it splash. "How much longer?" he thought to himself.

    The bar was fairly upscale. Not seedy in any manner of speaking. He had chosen a nice place to meet. Patrons wandered freely about the place. There was a long bar set in the middle of the medium sized room. Three other people sat at the bar with him, the closest being two seats away. That patron was a heavier set man who chuckled heatedly at some pratfalls that were being shown on the flatscreen set above the bottles of various alcohols. The man merely glanced in that direction before turning back to his drink.The man had no desire to mingle with others until he got what he wanted. The whole reason he was here at this moment in time. His singular purpose.

    At that moment, the door to the establishment opened wide. In walked a man easily in his early thirties, but no more older than mid thirties. He deep set brown eyes were those of a man who took himself seriously a little too often. A deep scar lay under right eye and would seem to twitch as his eyes would dart about the room before settling on the man with scotch. His black hair curled in various places and he would easily need a haircut soon. He wore simple clothes of tan pants and a collared black shirt. One hand was empty while in the other, he clutched a small, wooden box. He walked towards the man at the bar, choosing the seat to his right and taking a seat. Neither spoke a word before the scotch man finally broke the silence;

    "Is it done?" he asked
    "Of course it is. I told you, I get my jobs done."
    "What proof do I have that it's complete as you say it is?"

    The man presented him the wooden box. He set it down gently upon the bar top. He pushed it towards the scotch and the other man's hand. The man took it and opened it. His eyes grew large and, in natural instinctual form, he turned his head in revulsion. But once the moment had dawned on him, he looked back at what lay in the box. He examined it carefully, making sure it was exactly what he thought it was.

    "His, I suppose?"
    "Very much so."
    "Did he suffer?"
    "Immensely."

    The scotch man chuckled before that evolved into a full fledged belly laugh. The other patrons thought nothing of it as the heavy set man was still laughing every now and again. To them, it was just a natural progression.

    "I wished he could have chocked on it."
    "He did."
    "He did?"
    "Yes, I cut that out from him when I was finished."
    "Right to the very letter. I didn't think you would do that much."
    "I told you, I get the job done, as the customer asked it to be done."
    "What about...?"
    "The other parts? Divided up and left for the friends to find. Should send the message you wanted."
    "I hope so. They were becoming insufferable and he was the worst. Still don't think I will ever go back, even if I want to see their faces so badly after today."
    "Our business is concluded then."

    The man stood up from the stool and turned to leave. He didn't get far before the scotch man grabbed his arm, pulling him back slightly. He turned to face him on his seat.

    "I have others listed if you are interested in earning a bit more.

    The man smiled, his scar moving upwards with his cheekbones.

    "It will be my pleasure."
     
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  2. Oh Snape

    Oh Snape House Bantsratheon
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    It was single malt right?
     
  3. Matemar

    Matemar Corvus

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    It's really well written, but it's pretty dark... I like it! Sorry I can't offer any more feedback I'm not exactly a critic. I can say that I liked it and that I would read your book if you ever wrote one.
     
  4. Mr. Mister

    Mr. Mister Is Breaking Down

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    Would you like to see more? I have some good ideas of how to continue this piece. It's a mixture of another story I had in mind, but could never fully flesh out. But this would take that and morph it into something that is far more complete. If I do, it will get far darker.
     
  5. Matemar

    Matemar Corvus

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    I sure would! If you make more you can count on me to read it.
     
  6. Mr. Mister

    Mr. Mister Is Breaking Down

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    The plot thickens!

    He sat on his bed and pondered deeply about what had just transpired. Another assignment. This one was one that would take some time and test him in every way conceivable. The sheer amount of people he would be responsible for killing. He was used to taking out one, maybe two or three targets. But this? He was given a list of people that this man had decided must die.

    Why?

    That was the single question that kept taking laps around in his mind. Why these people and what did they do? He very rarely asked that question about anything pertaining to his work. He was comfortable ending the lives of people who had it coming. Drug dealers, killers, rapists, criminals of every shape and variety. Those assignments were simple because those people were ones whom society would not shed a tear for. But this? The last man he killed was unlike anything he had done before. The man seemed so innocent, so unsuspecting. Years of this work had taught him that even those who look innocent may not be so. But this gentleman had nothing on him. Nothing! His eyes even had the veil of innocence. And the man had given him very specific instructions as to how he would be disposed of. Quite meticulous and brutal. The instructions made various mentions of cruelty towards the man's natural endowments to the point that he had used it as a means to suffocate the man with. And it was made clear to leave pieces behind to serve as a warning. A warning of what? To not cross this man? Whomever he was.

    He didn't like to think about the things he was being hired to do. Easier that way. But the assignments from this man rubbed him in ways he had never experienced before. He didn't like it, not one bit. He didn't want to ask questions because then the veneer he had put on himself like a coat would start to fall apart. But why? Once again, that question popped up. He sat up quickly and pulled up the paper the man in the bar had given him so he could read it. He had to get his mind off the questions and put his mind to work elsewhere. He didn't know anything about the man, not even his name. In this business, it was best not to deal in names, except with those whose time on this earth was soon to be short. He simply knew him as "Red" because of the man's tendency to wear a red baseball cap. But he shifted his mind back to the paper and began to read out loud the words so they would resonate with him if he should need to remember them later on.

    "You will be attending an event that is held annually. Typically held in secret, you will need an invitation to get in which I have provided below."

    He looked beneath the paper to see what looked like a movie ticket. On it, in thick black font was printed these words;
    The Grand Pony Show!
    Admit One
    A Weekend of Decadence and Debauchery
    Any and All Safety Measures Have Already Been Taken
    Make Memories That Will Last A Lifetime
    Remember, Mum's The Word


    Many question ran rampant in his mind upon reading that ticket, but the strongest one caused him to speak out. "What the fuck am I getting into?" he said to himself.

    He went back to the list and to the names provided below that introductory line. They seemed almost like they may have been former clients of his judging by some of their titles.

    "Mr. Despair"
    "Mr. Sarcasm"
    "Ms. Debbie"
    "Miss Amanda"
    "Rock-a-Billy"
    "Pinkie the Man"
    "Mrs. Gloom"
    "The Lady Lord"
    "Mr. Black"
    "Snowman"

    The last name was underlined several times and in the margins were notes pertaining to that name. "Take extreme caution with Snowman. He has been trained in military matters and could easily kill you if he knew your plans. Keep him the dark and take him out fast."

    "Fantastic, one more thing to worry about."

    The last name was circled and underlined many times more than Snowman's was. This was obviously the most significant target among the group.

    "Madam Gloria"
    "Make an example of her!! She will be easy to find as she loves to be the center of attention and is beloved by almost everyone that will be attending. I guarantee most of the events will involve her in some fashion. But she also has staunch guardians who will die to protect her so be wary. But for her, I want her to be killed on camera and broadcast on this site. I don't care how you do it, just send a powerful message with her demise."


    A website address was listed near the bottom. Once again, his thoughts became so strong that he had to speak out loud what he was thinking. "What the FUCK am I getting myself into?!"
     
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  7. Mr. Mister

    Mr. Mister Is Breaking Down

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    Thoughts on this so far? I like the direction it's going as I had some basic ideas of where it would turn, but it's developing a little better than I previously thought.

    He did his research and discovered that there would be a gathering at the location mentioned on the ticket. It was not false in any sense of the word. So the information he was given was truthful after all. He had a glimmer of hope that it might not be true and he wouldn't have to go through with it. Such thoughts surprised him for as long as he had been doing this job. He knew though that this job would have far more challenges than anything he had ever done previously. But he had been paid a hefty sum of cash for this job, more than any job prior. Who Red was and how he managed to get this amount of money, he would never know. But he found a way and wanted to use it to send these people into the next life, whatever awaited them there.

    But this event, the Grand Pony Show, as it was called, what the hell did it entail? He knew about many secret meetings and secret gatherings as his business was knowing other people's business. But this, this was a mystery to him. The idea scared him slightly, but also made his curiosity tingle. As with the case with any new batch of knowledge, he desired to know all he could about it. The ticket gave him some ideas, but not much more than that. A weekend of debauchery and decadence? What was that? Debauchery implied illicit sexual interactions while decadence may imply rich and heavy foods. A weekend of sex and food? Nothing he hadn't seen in numerous forms before now. But the title threw him off. Why the Pony Show? Was this going to involve animals? He shuddered at the thought. Is this why Red wanted these people dead? Was he some sort of religious man who wanted these people to be punished for their sins? But wouldn't paying for murder be just as bad, if not worse?

    He shook his head as if he was clearing the thoughts from his mind. If he spent too much time considering these matters, he would get no closer to getting the job done. It was high time he prepared for the task laid before him. He would need all his wits about him as well as his equipment. He began to pack up his materials. A few knives, a few cases of bullets, some 9mm pistols and silencers as well. He had no idea what he would be stepping into so he felt he should prepare for the worst. A folding, scoped rifle and his .45 handgun went into the case next along with their attachments and ammunition. His mind turned towards the second to last name. Snowman. Militarily trained. Those words could mean he would be walking into a minefield. He grabbed some anti-personnel bullets as well as armor piercing ones. Better safe than sorry.

    He looked into where he would traveling. Only around 150 miles away. "I thought it would have been further." It was to be held in an old hall that was typically rented out for various events. The event for the weekend was described as a meeting of a "book club." Book club, my ass. They were lying about their true intentions which confirmed his suspicions that unscrupulous events would be taking place. That didn't ease his nerves as much as he would have wanted. But this had to be done and done to the letter. He had given his word it would be. And he was not a man to go back on his word. Once given, the word was binding.

    The route was planned out. He would plant the weapons cases outside in a shallow grave he would dig a few hours before the guests started arriving. That way, they would be close by, but not be open to be seen by anyone else. At least, that was the plan. Before the people would arrive, he would scour the outside and see if there would be anything he could use to his advantage. In case, things went very wrong. Always prepare. Always. As the night drew closer, he decided it was high time he put himself to bed and get some rest. After all, what good would be all this preparation if he had not the power to carry it all out? As he crawled into bed, his mind kept going back to the last name on the list. Madam Gloria. It said she would be easiest to find, but the hardest to take out. Who exactly was she and why was her death, above all the others, so vital? His mind pondered this as sleep overtook him.
     
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  8. Tetsu

    Tetsu Void Walker
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    I'm lovin' it.
     
  9. Matemar

    Matemar Corvus

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    The quality isn't dropping the darkness either. Keep them coming! The main character (the hitman) is nice and realistic. I'm hoping to see some of his backstory.
     
  10. Mr. Mister

    Mr. Mister Is Breaking Down

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    Thank you all for the insights. I'm going to be adding more in the next few days as by that time, my job will be slowing down so I can focus more time to writing this. But I got some amazing ideas while I was working so I will be adding those in when I write the next couple of parts. Keep reading and enjoy.
     
  11. Mr. Mister

    Mr. Mister Is Breaking Down

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    Better than I thought it would be.

    His dreams were troubled and disturbing in their content. He had several in a row, but they all jumbled together leading them to be perceived as one, massive dream. In one, he was speaking to his older brother. What they were speaking about seemed of little importance as the more important point was how he felt being near his brother. It was a feeling of deep mutual respect and love. Words could never properly convey those feelings as they were complicated and deep in their layers. He felt at peace with his brother, as if all was right in the world and no other concerns would trouble him. This first dream was the only pleasant one he would have that night.

    As quickly as the pleasantness left him, the dread came. He was next in a medium sized room. Scattered about him were various bodies, all men. They were bloodied and quite dead. He looked down at himself and saw he was covered from toe to head in various layers of blood. Easily from the men he had about him. One man stirred, groaning and trying to drag himself away from his fellows while holding his stomach region from which flowed his own blood. He rushed towards the man, pinning him against the wall. The man groaned loudly in pain as the young man's knee was directly above where his wound was. Grabbing him by the neck, he raised a large knife in his other hand. It was covered in blood, but enough had dripped away to reveal the word, "WRATH" engraved within it's cold metal surface. Before the injured man could react, the knife plunged into his neck and the result was a garbled gurgling sound from the pinned man. The man felt justified in this action. It felt as if the final turn of the clock had just been completed.

    That dream flowed into the next, which was by far the most disconcerting to him. The man was lying in the snow, bloodied and in obvious pain. He looked up to see another man approaching him rather quickly. In his hands, he held some type of firearm. It had wood grips and was about as long in length as a shotgun. But instead of shells or bullets, the man had long, steel spikes inserted into the bottom. This was the type of weapon that could pin a man to the wall with ease. The man holding the gun had fire burning in his eyes and eyed him with utter disdain and hate. As he raised the weapon to fire, the man looked beyond the gun and could see a faint glimmer of his brother behind him. The brother merely closed his eyes and shook his head slowly as if was disappointed in all he lay witness to. He could hear the audible click from the firearm. And for the first time, the man spoke. "Fucker," is all he said. A small explosion could be heard and then all went bright white.

    The man awoke suddenly, a cold sweat drenching him and his sheets. It had been a long time since he had such dreams. The first two were distant memories of his, this he knew for certain. The third, the one that scared him so deeply, was a mystery to him. But it frazzled his nerves in a manner few things previously had done. It took him some time to catch his breath. He flung his hand to his chest, his heart still pounding heavily as if he had just run for his life from an unknown and deadly threat. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled it in an effort to calm himself. After all, they were just dreams. Jumbles of memories and perhaps of fears he held made truth, at least in those moment his mind had imagined them. He threw off his bed covers and made his way to the bathroom. He need a shower to let himself realize that he was in fact whole and quite alright. He turned the knobs on the shower and waited for it to warm up, he looked long and hard at himself in the mirror. Scars marked his face, memories of a troubled past he had endured by his own choice. Whether for better or worse, he had made these choices and tread this road. This was his choice, his decision, no one else's. Whatever came to him, it was his choice that made it all happen.

    A few hours later and he would be heading towards the location where he would be spending the weekend ending some lives. But his dreams bothered him in a manner few things ever did. Some occasional nerves were to be expected, but this was far more than that. It was as if things beyond himself were arranging themselves in a way that would cause severe problems for him and possibly others. That was a feeling he had not had before and he didn't like that such a feeling came into being suddenly and so strongly. But he had to move forth. There was work to be done.
     
    #11 Mr. Mister, Jul 31, 2016
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2016
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  12. Mr. Mister

    Mr. Mister Is Breaking Down

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    Getting there.

    The drive was entirely uneventful. As he drove, his weapons in the backseat, he admired the relatively nice greenery that he was traveling through. All around him were thick fields of trees and glistening, white snow. The moon shone rather brightly for being only a few hours before dawn. But he needed to make this trip early so he had time to scope everything out and plan the eventualities of the weekend. The slight rumbling of the car along with the soothing scenes he could see outside the vehicle almost made him forget the dreams altogether. They would never truly leave his mind, but the further he could push them to the back, the better. After all, he had a job to complete and he intended to see it to the very end, whatever that would entail.

    Soon, the building loomed over the horizon. Even though it lay beyond the last major city, a small town was nested behind the hills only about 10 miles away to the south. It gave the feeling of being completely away from society, but being close enough to some form of it in case you needed to feel that connection again. The place itself was quite pleasant. It resembled a hunting lodge of some European noble family. He could see already that the entrance opened to a large hall that was used to greet the guests coming in. He parked the vehicle and got out, pulling the bags loaded with the firearms and ammunition with him. They were extremely heavy, but this part was necessary to the success of the mission. As he dragged the heavy loads across the fallen snow, he left a deep trail. He would deal with that when he was finished. He found an areas near one of the lodge's windows and began to dig. After getting down a few feet, he placed the bags down into the cold ground and some planks of wood over them before piling the dirt back into the hole. After shifting the snow back over the majority of the hole, he place a stake into the ground, just above the crevice. This way, he had a line of sight where the hole was. To any casual observer, this stake in the ground was either randomly placed or simply a stake with which to tie a horse to, which happened here in the summer and spring.

    The deep furrows followed him from the hole to the car. He shifted the snow from one side to the other as he walked backwards, creating the illusion that only a minor groove was carved into the snow. Besides, a light snowfall was already starting to cover that up as well. When he returned a few hours later, he was certain that the trail would be unseen by most, if not all. When he got back into his vehicle, he cranked up the heater so he could warm up faster. At least with the cold, he could warm himself up. The same could not be said for heat. As he backed out and got back onto the highway, he took one last look at the lodge. Within two days, that lodge would be the final resting place of many people. He did not take joy in this thought, but he knew it was something that needed to be done nonetheless.
     
  13. Matemar

    Matemar Corvus

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    I like it just like the previous ones. Considering I can't give proper criticism and tips maybe you should upload this to some kind of writers forum or something. I'm pretty sure the criticism is brutal on these kind of forums, but it's probably worth it.
     
  14. Mr. Mister

    Mr. Mister Is Breaking Down

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    The time had come. The time for him to enter and learn what he could about his targets before eliminating them. This was an unusual case for him. He was typically given a target, told about their habits, and he would go from there. But to know absolutely nothing beyond these odd pseudonyms was incredibly different and didn't leave him feel relaxed. He felt an unease he rarely felt. He had no idea how this would turn out. Before he left his vehicle and began the long walk towards the cabin, he made sure to sheath his knife. This knife he only used if the kill was personal. He looked upon it's worn surface and the engraving that read, "WRATH" was still quite vibrant and clear. Within those words were deep burgundy stains. He knew well these were blood stains trapped within those words. Literally fitting considering the meaning of the term and what this knife was used for. The last time this knife was used was also the first time he had taken a life. He simply put the knife on his side and had it sheathed. He didn't like to think about the day that had set him upon this path. If he could do it again, he would make the same decision. But that decision was one he still didn't like to think upon.

    As he tread upon the snow bank, he saw other vehicles parked further up. People were getting out of them and walking towards the cabin. Any one of them could be some of his targets. Or they could just be people who happened to be in the wrong place this weekend. Either way, he would soon discover what it was. He picked up his pace so he could catch up with these people. As he neared, he saw one was a young man of about 25 or so, he couldn't be certain. The other was a female who looked a little older than the young man, but no more than 30. As he got closer, he could hear bits and pieces of conversations.

    "Yes, she will be able to help you."
    "But do I really want HER help?"
    "Well, that's ultimately up to you."

    They took notice of his presence when he came near them. The female smiled at him and beckoned him to come closer. He did so willingly because he had to learn a lot in a small period of time. As he approached, she began to speak to him.

    "Well hello there. What name have you chosen?

    He looked at her, puzzled by that question. She looked puzzled herself for a short bit before speaking again.

    "Were you sent in someone else's stead?"

    He merely nodded in response. She signaled for him to show her his ticket so she could tell him what he needed to know. He handed over his ticket. She examined it before smiling slightly.

    "Oh, you were sent by Black Fox. Too bad he couldn't attend himself, but such things happen. Did he at least tell you what will be happening here this weekend?"

    He shook his head to let her know he was unaware. She giggled in response.

    "Wow, sent you in and didn't tell you anything. But I hope he at least was nice enough to pick someone who is ok with all matters of sexuality. Otherwise, that would be a fairly dickish thing for him to send you here."

    He figured that's what this was about. Sex. Of course it was. The absolute obsession some individuals had over sexual matters was one that prompted several discussions on the pervasiveness of addiction. At least he knew the direction this was going to take. He continued to listen to this young woman on what would be taking place. Most of it involved various sexual acts as well as plenty of drinks and some drugs. Basically, debauchery and debasement. Nothing new. But then she mentioned something that caught his attention quite quickly.

    "And if you feel so inclined, we will have the stable in the back."

    The thoughts shook him to his core. He feared that would be the case. If that was the case, he felt no ill will to ending the lives here. His expression quickly hardened and he could tell the woman noticed it quickly. She was going to say something, but they had reached the cabin by that time and a voice spoke to them.

    "Tickets, please."

    All three handed their tickets to the man manning the door. He looked them over before welcoming each of them into the building.

    "Welcome, Mr. Despair."

    The young man entered the door.

    "Welcome, Lady Lord."

    The young woman walked in, but not before turning around.

    "See you inside.
    " She winked at him before disappearing from his view.

    "Welcome, Black Fox."

    He was allowed to enter the building now. He walked and opened the door before crossing that threshold and becoming one with the room that lay before him.
     
  15. Matemar

    Matemar Corvus

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    This one reminds me of the Preacher comic. Only the Preacher is twenty times more disgusting. Anyways keep them coming.
     
  16. Mr. Mister

    Mr. Mister Is Breaking Down

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    What lay before him was elegance indeed. Everything was well decorated and fresh flowers were placed around the hall to give it specks of color. People were walking to and fro, stopping occasionally to speak to each other, but most seemed to gather about the grand staircase that was the centerpiece of this main hall. He simply looked around, trying to absorb all he saw. Look for anything he could use to his advantage later on or perhaps places he could silently take out someone. He spied several and made mental notes of them before looking towards the staircase as a commotion was being raised and that seemed to be the focal point.

    At that moment, a figure was descending the stairs. They stood perhaps a good five foot ten. They had long, black hair and by all appearances, was a man. But something was off about them. They wore high heels with matching stockings and walked with incredible grace befitting their stature. He looked about him and all the people stood silent, gazing. It was almost as if this was their dear leader whom they honored by being quiet as they entered the room out of sincere respect. Whomever they were, the people here had great reverence for them it seemed. They did not reach the end before speaking up to make themselves heard to all in attendance.

    "I would like to welcome all of you to the first annual Grand Pony Show!"

    The people applauded wildly, some even whistling and shouting something he could not properly.

    "We would like to keep this clean as well as fun. Remember, always seek consent before attempting anything. Make sure to be properly protected. I mean, we did have all of you tested so there would be nothing that might slip in, but it never hurts to be cautious. But the main idea here is to enjoy yourself. Meet and greet to your heart's content. The room's will provide privacy if you need it or just be like me and just use this main hall."

    That last sentence drew more cheers from the gathered crowd of people. He even heard one person yell out, "Me first! Me first!" They responded by laughing before responding.

    "Ok, calm down. I already have a sheet for anyone to sign up." They pointed to a table which he could see had a stack of papers and a cup full of pens upon it. Several people rushed towards it and began grabbing pens to sign with.

    "Just meet and greet, my friends. Food will be served soon enough and we can start our first feast. I will speak to all of you first before starting any activities."

    With that, they walked down the last few steps and began to mingle with the crowd. People wandered around freely now, as if just released from a spell. He looked about him and saw he was pretty much centered in the room with no nearby. It felt rather awkward, but so be it. He didn't want to get to know these people too much as he never knew who it would be he would have to kill. He just wandered about the crowd, getting a feel for them. They all appeared to be decent individuals, but he knew this weekend would show them to be far lesser than their appearances portended them to be. He glanced to his left and there stood the figure that was speaking on the stairs. They had a feminine appearance, but one could see they were male. They smile at him before speaking with a voice that had the subtle nature of female, but was distinctly masculine.

    "I did not believe I have had the pleasure in speaking with you."

    "No, you haven't."

    "I'm Madam Gloria. And you are?"

    This was them! His main target. The one his client wanted dead the most. He had to learn as much about them as possible.

    "I was sent here by someone who was unable to attend. I believe I took their name."

    "Oh, that would be Black Fox. Too bad he couldn't come. Would've been nice. But perhaps next year."

    "True."

    "So tell me a little bit about yourself."

    Before he began to speak, the girl whom he had walked in with ran up to Gloria and began to whisper into their ear. They looked about before squinting their eyes. When the girl pulled back, Gloria looked at him with with what almost seemed sorrow.

    "I apologize, Black Fox. Something has come up which requires my attention. Don't worry, I will be gone just a minute and then we can continue our conversation."

    They started to walk away before dashing back to him and speaking into his ear softly.

    "We can get to know each other intimately later. I give the best BJ's around, just ask."

    They winked at him before dashing off to wherever they were being called to. He merely squinted his eyes at them as they walked away in disdain. He did not care for them one bit.
     
  17. Mr. Mister

    Mr. Mister Is Breaking Down

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    He looked around and began to observe everyone he saw. He knew not whom was who and who was on his list, but he had to make visual representations so when that information was gathered, he would already have a visual bank to work from. He was already beginning to make patterns in his mind and establish the differences he was seeing so he could be certain of the individual's identity once he had a name to ascribe to their faces. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught the young man he had walked in with walking to the small bar and taking a seat and asking for a drink. He decided he had obtained a good deal of information for the time being and decided it might be time to get information from a insider, so to speak. He walked to the bar and sat next to the man. After sitting for a few moments and there being nothing, but silence, he decided to break that silence.

    "How goes it, my good man?"
    "Like shit."
    "Wow, that was kinda blunt."
    "Life is blunt and hits you like a train, some days."

    He was taken aback by the man's bluntness and lack of regard for being positive in any sense. "No wonder they call him Mr. Despair," he thought to himself.

    "What is it about life that has you seeking solace in a bottle?"

    Mr. Despair looked and him and actually smiled. It was fairly creepy to behold.

    "You don't know me at all, do you?"

    He shook his head to indicate he did not.

    "You don't see things as bright and cheery when you're like me. When you've been thrown out from your own home, you live on the streets, and all you can see is people around you who don't deserve what they have and yet they squander what they have."
    "You see people as being ungrateful, then?"
    "More than you realize. I also see our society crumbling into dust and people celebrating by dancing around the fires that consume what our ancestors fought, bleed, and died to create."

    He pointed out to the crowd that had gathered around someone. The crowd murmured and cheered every once in a while. Among the voices, one rang clear as day.

    "Suck it hard! Show us how you use it!"

    He shuddered and turned back to face Mr. Despair.

    "We have more than any other people in history have ever had or dreamed of having and yet we waste it all. We throw into the trash like it's garbage. Our legacies, our futures just drift from us and we are too focused on the here and now to see them disappear from view. When we see it, it's too far gone to save."
    "But it's not just that, if that wasn't enough to make one feel like complete shit most of the time. Urges fuck you up as well."
    "What do you mean by that?"
    "I mean that my urges makes me want to bed a woman. But I know too much about them to ever do so."
    "And that would be...?"
    "That society is going down the drain and women are the ones doing the flushing. They are more concerned with not hurting anyone or causing any harm that they hurt those who would protect them. They say they want a sensitive man, but run into the arms of those men who will hurt and beat them. They trash that which might save them and invite that which will hurt them so stay in their homes. They think because of what they have between their legs, they are superior and deserve everything handed to them on a golden platter."

    He took a swig of his drink before continuing.

    "I hate myself for liking them. For wanting to intertwine my body with theirs. But my urges, they drive me to it. But I cannot change what I know and what I have seen. To me, women are almost parasitic in nature."

    At that moment, another cheer rose from the crowd, causing them to both turn in that direction and look. From the dense middle, stood Madam Gloria, almost triumphant. A man walked out of the crowd, adjusting himself before disappearing into an adjacent hallway.

    "That's why I'm here. I'm hoping she can help me."
    "Gloria, you mean?"
    "Yeah. If you hadn't noticed, they will take anyone with a pulse. And besides, they weren't always as they appear to be now. So, I feel I wouldn't think those thoughts when I am with them."
    "I just want these urges to be gone from me. Maybe if I sate them, they will leave me be. And then maybe, I might have some peace in my life."

    He turned away and just rested his head on the bar. His breathing could be heard, but other than that, not a sound came from him. He felt almost bad for the man. He had an obviously difficult life up to this point and he seemed to be making it worse in what he sought comfort within. But Mr. Despair had to die, this much he knew, it was part of his job. But how to go about it was another matter entirely.
     
  18. Mr. Mister

    Mr. Mister Is Breaking Down

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    How is the mood of the story so far? Anything I should keep out or bring in?
    I would love to hear some feedback on it.
     
  19. Matemar

    Matemar Corvus

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    I don't have any complaints so far. I would like to see some more backstory of the main character, but then again maybe you should build the tension and put it in at the right time.

    Just don't force it. Write naturally and don't rush take your time. Quality over quantity.

    I thought off asking my mom to give it a read, but because of the sexual stuff it's kinda... awkward.
     
  20. Mr. Mister

    Mr. Mister Is Breaking Down

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    I plan to add more about the main character and what set him down this path. I have already laid the foundations of it in the story as it currently sits. I'm just trying to decide more on the various people and how they will meet their ends. Some I know already, others I do not.

    Other than that, how are you enjoying it? Where do you think it will go next?
     

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